Qian Jinfan has always known she was a girl. But, born biologically male, it took her until 84 to speak out about her dream.

Qian, a calligrapher, art critic and retired government official based in Foshan, Guangdong Province, who also calls herself by the female name, Yi Ling, has become China's oldest openly transgender individual.

"Many Chinese people are biased against 80-somethings. They think we're just waiting to die," she told the Global Times. "Now I am telling them my new life as a woman has just begun."

There were awkward expressions on people's faces as Qian entered the coffee shop for the interview. She sat there with a humble smile, wearing a white lace cotton vest covered with a thin orange sweater and white trousers matched with black shoes. She has long straight hair that barely covers her head, and seemed unperturbed by people's stares.

Four years ago, at the age of 80, Qian decided the time was right to be her "true-self." Then she started taking female hormones, dressing as a woman, going to women's bathrooms and writing "male-to-female in transition" while filling out application forms.

Yet Qian has concerns about going under the knife for her final surgery.

"After learning about the hard time some transgender people are facing after the failure of their sex reassignment surgery, I think I should think twice before doing that," she said.

"Now I hope I can help to promote understanding of transgender people in China and fight against discrimination against them," she added.

Wrong body

Born in 1928 in Jiaxing, Zhejiang Province in a family of civil servants, Qian said she felt she was born in the wrong body as early as 3 years old.

"Once, when relatives took me out to go to the bathroom, an onlooker said, 'How come she is a boy?' Ever since then, I thought of being a girl as a wonderful thing," she recalled.

When she was a teenager, she said she liked twisting her hips while walking and posing as a girl while nobody was around. She was very close to the girls in class.

She kept her secret to herself. Her parents had no idea about her desire to be a woman, let alone her wife, after getting married at 29.

At the age of 80, after being a father and husband, Qian decided to just be herself. She wrote a declaration letter to her boss and demanded to be treated fairly. Qian's wife is retired and has only a monthly 1,000 yuan ($158) pension. Their 26-year-old son has mental problems and is unemployed. Qian was worried that her decision might cause her to lose her monthly government pension.

To her surprise, her boss did not respond, but everything remains the same including her pension and her invitations to attend conferences.

Since then, she started to take hormones to enlarge her breasts and began wearing women's clothes. Her boss was reportedly calm and understanding when he saw her wearing women's clothes at a monthly tea party.

However, others have not been so lucky. Take famous transsexual dancer Jin Xing. She was axed as a judge on a TV talent show last year because the show's director worried "her transgender identity could have negative effects on society."

Qian wants to speak out for transsexual people and fight against discrimination. "Those who lost their jobs because of discrimination have come out and exposed the wrongdoing of their workplaces."

"I hope the society can change the attitude towards transgender people and treat them fairly, to give them a chance to work as government officials and civil servants like the others," she continued.

Living as a woman

According to Chinese law, one has to live as the opposite gender for at least two years before gender reassignment surgery can be approved. Qian has been very strict with herself to prove that she could be a woman.

First of all, she changed her name into a female one, Yi Ling. Then she started to practice how to sound like a woman when speaking.

"If people who speak over the phone can't tell the difference, that means I am qualified as a woman," she said.

She is also very strict about her appearance. No skirts, only panties. And she has to hide her manhood carefully when cross-dressing.

"I paid special attention to my reaction while my body met a women's body on a crowded subway car," she said. "I didn't feel anything at all. I'm glad I am qualified as a woman now."

Strong reactions

However, not everyone sees her as she'd like. She gets upset whenever she hears people calling her renyao, human monster, or "lady boy," a term usually specifically applied to Thai transsexual people.

Qian said she spent a lot of time online arguing with Internet users who see her as a "shameless monster."

"As a woman, I think what Mr Qian does humiliates women. Has he thought about the consequences, and how am I going to explain this to my child?" one Internet user asked.

Qian said she is even more upset when her wife can't understand her. "I know it is very hard for her to accept this, so it's OK for her to yell or beat me, I owe her too much."

The intensive media attention also drives her wife crazy. Sometimes she has to lie to her wife to attend meetings outside to meet the reporters.

Ke Qianting, an associate professor in gender studies at Sun Yat-Sen University, said transgender community in China is slowly becoming acceptable.

"We can see it from Qian's case. People are getting to know the transgender community better through the Internet, but those online verbal attacks reflect the sad fact that there is a long way to go to acceptance."