Photo: CFP

A week away from the Spring Festival, Xiaoqian is exhausting herself as she goes about shopping, selecting gifts and packing in preparation for the trip back to her husband's hometown in Jiangsu Province.

"It's a giant project. We actually started to prepare for it as early as half a year ago," said Xiaoqian, explaining that this year, her parents are also heading to her husband's home as part of a big family reunion. This means her whole family, including her and her husband, son and parents, will all have to travel south from Beijing for the festival.

"Getting both our parents in the same place at the same time is one headache solved. Of course, the process will be a bit troublesome and frustrating, but as long as our parents are content and happy, what else could you ask for?" Xiaoqian remarked.

Torn in two

Born in Mianyang, Sichuan Province, Xiaoqian told the Global Times that this will be the first Spring Festival at her parents-in-law's home in Jiangsu since she got married four years ago. Living in Beijing, she and her husband inevitably discuss the matter every year when the Chinese New Year approaches. However, previously each time they would either go back to her hometown or stay in Beijing for one reason or another.

 But after their son was born two years ago, her parents-in-law's eagerness to see their grandson and get the family together during the Spring Festival made heading to her husband's hometown an even more pressing issue, and eventually led to arguments.

"In principle, as we planned before marriage, we should take turns, going back to my hometown this year and his the next year. But as an only child, I couldn't bear to turn back on them while every other family across the country united to celebrate the Chinese New Year," Xiaoqian said, confessing that she had difficulty coming to the terms with having to celebrate the holidays with her parents-in-law rather than her parents.

Meanwhile, her husband found it hard to keep refusing his parents' demands to have them come back for the festival. After a long-time wracking their brains they eventually came up with the ideal compromise: bringing Xiaoqian's parents, who look after their son in Beijing, back to Jiangsu together.

Many young couples in China are able to sympathize with Xiaoqian's plight. Jinzhu, a woman from Gansu Province not settled in Beijing with her husband from Henan Province, found her last Spring Festival "exhausting."

"We traveled to Henan first, spent four days there, and then traveled home to Gansu Province. It made both of our parents happy, but it was so exhausting that I don't want to ever do it again," Jinzhu told the Global Times.

As an increasing number of only children are getting married, young couples from two different places in China are discovering that their happy holidays are now becoming a stressful nightmare. 

New concerns 

Chinese New Year is a major traditional holiday in China, as such having the family home for the holidays is extremely important for the elderly, especially today, when their children usually work far away from home and the week-long Spring Festival holiday becomes that one rare chance to see their family reunited. As for married couples, it's custom almost nationwide that married women are expected to stay at with their husband's family to welcome in the new year.

Things were less problematic before when most families had at least two children. Back then most parents were fine with letting their daughters stay with her parents-in-law. Additionally, in the past since couples were usually from the same area, it was easier to see both sets of parents over the course of the long holiday.

But tradition has encounter a huge challenge as a majority of young people born during the 1980's are only children and must now shoulder all their parents' expectations alone, including heading home for the holidays. Now whenever a major holiday comes around couples find themselves getting split in two as they struggle with trying to be good sons and daughters and good husbands and wives.

According to reports 30 percent of couples end up fighting about where to go during the Spring Festival.

The situation is particularly challenging for couples from different places. Now more and more young people are choosing to settle in the city where they attended college, where they meet and marry people from different regions. Sometimes couple's hometowns can be on complete opposite sides of the country.

Things become even more trying when you factor in the difficulty of getting tickets during the Spring Festival holidays. Usually it is next to impossible for a family to make two short trips across the country, and even if they do manage to book the tickets, things are so crowded and hectic it's likely to make even the calmest of people lose their minds.  

Striking a balance

Ye Jun, who has built a home for herself in Beijing, plans to go back to her hometown in central China this year with her husband (from Hunan Province), a decision the couple reached after a long period of discussion and numerous negotiations.

 "His parents are conservative and think I should go back to Hunan, but since I already spent the Spring Festival holiday there last year, I insist on spending it with my parents this year. We made a rule that we should take turns in this matter," Ye said, smiling in content.

Other couples set different rules. Before getting married in 2012, Jinzhu made her husband-to-be agree to visiting her parents during the Spring Festival before she said yes to his marriage proposal.

 "He wasn't happy and even said that we should each go to our own homes separately, which really made my parents angry. Then we put the two pairs of parents on the phone and they finally compromised," Jinzhu told the Global Times.

"I didn't ask him to buy me a house or a car. I just wanted this. I'm my parents' only child, and also their only comfort. His parents still have his brother."

Unable to be in two places at once, some couples are also choosing to get their three families together for the Spring Festival just like Xiaoqian. Some couples, failing to reach a consensus, end up going back to their own hometowns separately for the holiday.

Some even avoid the issue altogether by traveling elsewhere during the holidays or just staying home.

Whatever decision a couple reaches, balance seems to be the key to maintaining family harmony.

"Parents are people too. You need to consider the feelings of his parents as well. We don't just depend on the Spring Festival holidays. For example, we spend other holidays, like the National Holiday, with his parents as compensation," Jinzhu noted.

"Of course, even though he promised me I could stay with my parents, if I stay with my parents for enough time in a year, I feel we can also go back his hometown for the Spring Festival. We try to stay flexible and take everyone's feelings into consideration in order to start off a harmonious new year."