Some women are now taking the initiative to propose. Photo: Li Hao/GT

Standing on the stage with soft lighting in her face, Demi Guo was experiencing one of the most important, yet most anxious moments of her life. Outside the pub, Beijing was being lashed by heavy rain the likes of which most of its residents had rarely seen. Inside, Guo was planning to propose to her boyfriend after singing the song "Tianmimi" (sweet honey, originally sung by the Taiwanese singer, Teresa Teng).

Guo's boyfriend was in the crowd. He still had no idea what his girlfriend was planning to do next. As the music started to fade, Guo steadily approached him.

"I told him that after more than nine years together, I didn't want to wait any longer, so I proposed to him. I told him how much I loved him," Guo, 26, a travel magazine editor, recalled.

"But there is one thing I regret. I forgot to ask him 'Will you marry me?' before we hugged and started kissing," she said.

Six days later, the pair were married.

"I wanted to surprise him. I don't think it's a man's job to propose. Women can also propose, same as men."

When women propose

Guo spent about two months preparing for the special occasion. She contacted her boyfriend's band and rehearsed with them in secret for about a month.

She gave her proposal a lot of thought.

"I knew if my boyfriend proposed, he would have preferred it to be private and low-key. But I wanted it to be public and I wanted our friends to share our happiness."

Guo is one woman who was brave enough to break the tradition that women can only be proposed to, by switching roles.

In April, Hu Xiaohe, 29, a designer, was reported by the Wenzhou News to be the first woman in her hometown, to propose to a man in public.

"I proposed because I had made this promise to him that if one day I feel our relationship enters the stage where I think I need him to be in my life forever, I would act on it," said Hu.

Hu spent a month preparing for the proposal.

She made a slide presentation of the photos and songs they liked and folded about 30 paper roses. She also meticulously placed candles on a big square in the city that night.

"I made the ring myself. I used a copper wire and strung a gold bead on it," said Hu.

Being dubbed as a nühanzi (manly woman) by Net users who read about the proposal, Hu simply smiles.

"I love him and want to be with him. Who proposes to whom is not important."

On July 4, Chinese singer Zhang Liangying made an announcement to her boyfriend at a concert, asking him whether he wanted to marry her.

Her statement attracted widespread public attention on the so-called "reversed proposal," which is still largely uncommon in China.

Women are challenging tradition that they can only be pursued. Photo: Li Hao/GT

Surprised or stressed?

Hu's boyfriend Chen Xianjing was moved when he arrived on the square.

He said that he did not expect her to have prepared so much.

Although he likes the way she expressed her love, he still had some concerns that other people may have negative views about their reverse proposal.

"But later it turned out that I was thinking about it too much. My friends did not talk much about it at all," he said.

According to Chen, who proposes to whom, has nothing to do with the future of married life.

"It's the woman's experiences and her view of the world and life that matter in marriage, not the simple proposal."

They plan to marry soon.

Guo's husband Brian Zhang, said that he thinks a woman proposing is totally acceptable.

"I don't think it will make a difference in my married life if I had proposed," Zhang said.

Eric Sun, 30, who works in the electricity industry, says that as far as he knows, women proposing to men is still rare.

Having been in a relationship with his current girlfriend for more than a year, it is still hard for him to accept the concept of a reversed proposal.

"I would like to propose rather than being proposed to. If I don't want to get married, then it will be hard for me to turn down a woman's request," said Sun.

He added that he thinks his girlfriend wants more commitment from him. 

For women who want to propose, Sun suggests that to avoid the embarrassment, it would be better for a woman to give a man hints that she would like to get married, and let the man propose. 

Going against tradition

Du Shengxiang, a psychologist who specializes in relationship and marriage counseling, said that women proposing to men goes against tradition and should not be encouraged.

"It is not normal, and it is not good for the stability of a marriage. Women who take the initiative to pursue a man and propose will be devalued in a man's eyes. Men think they should do the pursuing. Women should wait for men to propose," said Du.

But Su Ling, a relationship and marriage counselor, said people who think women are devalued for proposing to men and don't think men and women are equal in a relationship, are narrowminded.

Su said now is the era for the "reversed proposal" and women, not only nühanzi, should have the confidence to propose, she told the Guangming Daily.

Zhao Sile, a feminist and blogger in China, agreed with Su.

"Those who support the view that men should propose are viewing women as objects that can only be pursued. They think only men can take the initiative while women should play a passive role and wait for the man to act," Zhao told Metropolitan.

According to the traditional love pattern, women are encouraged to be reserved while it's important for men to show their sincerity by doing things for women.

"This appears to elevate women's position in the relationship, but actually it deprives women of their right to express what they want," Zhao said.

According to Zhao, women who propose are usually confident in themselves and are daring enough to challenge tradition.

"The emergence of these women to some extent is good for the feminist movement and for advocating women's rights."

Romantic fantasy

However, Zhao noted that women who propose are still bound by the romantic fantasy of love and marriage as portrayed in pop culture.

"Our fantasy of the proposal comes from the understanding of love in soap operas and love stories. Those women who publically propose believe that a romantic proposal is a sign of success and they take enjoyment in showing this to the public. The great importance attached to a proposal is influenced by the culture of Western monogamy," said Zhao.

She said that people should not idealize the meaning of a proposal as in reality, marriage is less exciting than how it is depicted in movies.

But Guo said that the importance of a proposal lies in documenting love and making both sides happy.

"I don't think a proposal is just a once-off thing," Guo said. "If we want, we can propose to one another again on our wedding anniversary. And next time, he can propose."