Illustration: Peter C. Espina/GT

One of my cousins is faced with a tough decision - which university to apply to and which major to choose. Her parents asked my advice the other day, but when I raised the question of what does my cousin wants, the answer was "She doesn't know."

I find it hard to give suggestions under such circumstances. I wanted to say that passion is the most important factor in deciding one's future major and career. People have to have a lot of enthusiasm for what they are doing or what they are going to do, because it will be so hard if they don't, a lot easier to give up, and even sadder for them if they choose a major that they have no interest in for the rest of their lives.

Yet I am asked similar questions every summer after the gaokao by friends and families. They wanted my advice for their children, but most of the time, those young students do not have a clear answer in their heart over what they really want.

It's a pity to see them making so much effort in achieving high scores in exams and acquiring as much knowledge as possible over the past decade, but failing to realize what they like to do in the end. Normally, for many of those young people, their parents will help them make a final call after a comprehensive analysis on which major is in great demand, or which could easily lead to a decent job after graduation.

Chinese parents might be too involved and tend to do too much for their children. Their love and affection are simply so much that they cannot stand to see their kids take one step "wrong."

Under the excuse of "they are too young to know what they want," parents gradually become accustomed to making choices for the next generation. Although young adults nowadays are more open to their children's own choices over minor matters, when it comes to important crossroads such as making a crucial decision concerning the children's future major or career, they cannot help to intervene.

I always hear parents talking about how they wish to see their children becoming public servants, since it is the most "decent" and stable job they can ever get, or opposing their kids to study archaeology, because it will be useless in the future. After experiencing parenting like this for a decade, no wonder young people have lost a sense of passion.

Children need to discover things for themselves. They will laugh and cry, stumble and fall, but that is what life is supposed to be like. Instead of making decisions for them, it would be much wiser to show them a larger world with more possibilities and help them find their enthusiasms.

Perhaps compared with young people who have no idea about what to do in their future, it is parents who need advice more. A line by Lebanese poet Kahlil Gibran can provide some guidance, "Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself … You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow."

We might have focused too much on encouraging children to ace the tests and neglected the fact that helping children realize what they want should be the most crucial part of education. The future of every child should be filled with endless possibilities.

It doesn't mean that parents can no longer love or care about their children, but that they can allow their younger generation to grow up.

The author is a reporter with the Global Times. liaixin@globaltimes.com.cn