More expats seek marriage help

• Source: Global Times
• [09:06 May 20 2010]
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By Jonathan DeHart and Zhang Cao

With a considerable surge in the number of expatriates having relationship blues and seeking psychological help this month, counselors are wondering if a bigger trend is forming.

The expats visiting Shanghai Xin Chao Psychology Consultation this month are trying to solve their failing marriages.

"We have had tens of new expat clients with Chinese spouses come to our clinic with relationship problems this month alone," a therapist surnamed Wang at the Xuhui district center, who declined to disclose her full name, told the Global Times Wednesday. "This is a significant increase."

Wang cited cultural misunderstandings and communication challenges as the main source of the problems encountered by clients, which if unsolved, often leads mixed couples to divorce, she added.

According to Gan Jianhua, a lawyer specializing in cases involving foreigners and especially mixed couples, the majority of these pairs end up getting a divorce.

"I take over 10 international marriage cases every year," said Gan said, who works for Shanghai Cenlaw and Partners Law Firm. "Most of these marriages last between six months and six years."

Experts say reliable statistics on divorce rates in China are difficult to track. Trine Pless- Rasmussen, a Danish clinical psychologist at Global HealthCare, a medical clinic that caters to foreigners in the city, said she has tried in vain to nail down data on mixed marriage divorce rates in Shanghai.

"I hear ranges and know that bigger Chinese cities are home to rising divorce rates, but official statistics are hazy," she added.

But therapists agree that not all mixed marriages are doomed. With a healthy dose of open-mindedness, patience and understanding, some say that the challenges can rather become fertile ground for greater self-discovery and a stronger relationship over the long haul.

Christopher Patti, an American who founded a local travel agency with his Shandong-born wife, has noted many of the cultural differences experienced firsthand, wrestling the obstacles that trip up so many other marriages.

"I could write a book on this subject," he laughed. "Her parents often come to stay in our apartment for weeks, even months, at a time. They're wonderful people and keep a low profile, but this level of sustained contact would be unheard of in the West."

He added that he and his wife have in large survived due to the fact that both recognize cultural misunderstandings are bound to rise - and are prepared to deal with them as they come.

"Sometimes, the way we show each other how much we care can get lost in translation, but our relationship always wins out in the end," he added.