Mom sharing

• Source: Global Times
• [10:40 July 20 2010]
• Comments

Mothers united

Though there are concerns about pinyang, Hu Xinhui sees the benefits and is eager to give it a try. "Young mothers are more up to date with the latest child-raising techniques. It's difficult to convince grandparents or ayis to use these new techniques," Hu explained. Hu believes it is even safer to do pinyang than hiring an ayi. "After all, we are all parents, and we understand each other's concerns about children so we can trust each other,"Hu said. Hu has found a mother who may help her take care of her 2-month-old baby when she goes back to work. They found each other on iyaya. com. "I trust the mothers on this website," Hu added.

Gu Xiaojie wants to try pinyang because she wants her child to have more playmates, "Today, children grow up so lonely. Pinyang allows my child to make friends, even if he fights with his friends, it is still good for him. At least, he'll learn how to fight," Gu said. Gu believes when children are less than a year old, it is a good idea to hire an ayi because all babies need at that age is basic care."But when a child is more than a year old, they want to play with others. An ayi only knows how to please them, it's bad for their development," Gu said. Gu's child is 21 months old now and she is in the process of finding a family close by to help her take care of her child. "I would even be happy to spend money if I find the right family," she added.

Some mothers like the idea of pinyang because they think it would be good for their children, while some mothers are attracted to the prospect of more freedom. Mother Liu Min wants to try pinyang because she believes it can help mothers fill less isolated. "We are young and we want to do things. If we spend all our time at home taking care of our children, we'll feel like old women in a few years," Liu said. Liu was an ambitious career woman when she graduated from university, but after the birth of her child she had to close down her company. "At first I wanted to spend more time with him, but I didn't know it would be so tough," Liu told the Global Times.

Although the mothers argue that they will definitely get to know a carer well before leaving their children with her, many still feel they are being irresponsible. Professor Hu Shoujun, a sociologist from Fudan University, thinks young parents should be more responsible with their children. "It's a matter of responsibility, when they decide to have a child; they must realize that they're going to lose their freedom for a while. There is a risk in letting people they barely know take care of their children," Hu said. "When you have a child, you should take on the responsibility," Yang Xiong, the bureau chief of the Shanghai Youth Research Center has the same opinion. Both Yang and Hu do not totally dismiss the idea but suggest that the young parents consider all angles.

Mother Zhang Min doesn't think they deserve to be called irresponsible. "I don't think she deserves to be called that. We still love and care for our children but it is just too tiring to take care of a child on your own. Sometimes you really need a hand," said Zhang Min, a mother with a 6-month-old baby who is looking for support on the Internet. Both Zhang Min's parents and parents-in-law do not live in Shanghai, and she takes care of her child by herself."I stay with my baby 24 hours a day. People don't understand how hard it is," she said. Before she had her child, she did not expect it would be so difficult to take care of a child alone. "We want to try pinyang, because we're desperate," she added.

Though she understands the difficulties these mothers face, Ma Mei thinks this method is not suitable for all working mothers." Career women don't have much time to spend with their children during the week. Weekends are the perfect time for this. It's very important for the child's development," she explained. Ma is the director of Early Education Research for Fudan University Press. Zhang feels that people like Ma don't see the full picture.

Safety issues

Among the concerns that pinyang raises, the question of safety has been most common. "When I wrote the post, I didn't take everything into consideration. The criticisms made me think about it more," said Zhang. After following the discussion online Zhang has now drafted a contract. In the contract, if something happens to the child, whoever is in charge would bear 70 percent of the responsibility. According to Zhang Youlu, a lawyer from Shanghai who has practiced civil law for more than 16 years, Zhang's proposals for responsibility is reasonable. "Though parents are the legal guardians, it does not mean they have to bear all the responsibility. Chinese law says whoever is in charge of taking care of a child has to be held accountable if something happens," Zhang explained. He believes the contract parents sign with each other would be recognized by law, and he does not suggest parents draft the contract themselves. "The details of a contract like this are complicated. They involve many variables and no matter how careful you are, you can't think of everything. If something happens, money can't always fix it," Zhang told the Global Times.

The mothers realize the risk so they want everything organized properly. They hope iyaya. com.cn can organize a meeting for them so they can get together to discuss the proposal in greater details. However, though iyaya.com.cn wants to help its users, it is unwilling to support the proposal. "We have thought about it, but we still think the risk is too high. If something happens, we are afraid parents will turn against us," said Zhou Dandan, a spokesperson for iyaya.com.