A growing number of Western women have flocked to China to study or work in recent years, but some are staying after discovering love with Chinese boyfriends or husbands. Photo: IC

One of An Yunlong's fondest memories of his 2005 holiday in Thailand was standing around a bonfire across from his crush, an American woman named Linda who was staying at his hotel in Bangkok.

An, then 20, was traveling with his mother and elder brother, unlike Linda, who was on her own.

"She told me she liked hunting and outdoor sports, and had traveled to more than 10 countries on her own. By contrast to her love for traveling, my main hobby was playing computer games at home," recalled An. "She even dared catch a live snake in the wild. I knew I wasn't qualified to date such a brave girl."

An wanted to stay in touch with Linda, but kept his feelings secret. Ultimately, he felt she was "too independent and strong," thus having no need for him to protect her. 

Relationships between Chinese men and Western women are noticeably fewer than vice versa. But the sight of a foreign woman walking hand in hand with a Chinese boyfriend or husband is gradually becoming a more common sight, even if traditional gender roles and relationship expectations persist.

Guo and Swift's 2-year-old daughter Echo (left) and 5-month-old son Topaz. Photo: Courtesy of Ember Swift

Equality and respect

Ember Swift first came to China as a visitor from Toronto, Canada, in 2007, when she met her future husband Guo Jian, from Shandong Province, at a concert. Then she moved to Beijing in 2008 and the couple tied the knot in May 2009.

Over the past several years, Swift said she has seen a growing number of couples comprising Chinese men and foreign women. She noted there aren't strict roles fulfilled by men and women in relationships in the West, but in China each partner's respective responsibilities are comparatively clearer.

"Fewer foreign women than men come to China because the traditional stereotype of inequality [for women] makes them feel uncomfortable," said Swift, who has two children with Guo.

Equality and respect are important pillars in marriage, said Swift, who credits the strength of her own marriage to Guo to both virtues.

"Chinese guys are different, but I like those who respect my personality and do not ask me to act or change according to their wishes," she said.

Swift holds down a variety of jobs in Beijing, including freelance writer, voice over artist and independent musician. Guo, also an independent musician, said he understands his wife's needs to express herself through art, such as music and writing.

"As a musician without a permanent job or income, do you think I would be able to marry a Chinese girl?" he laughed.

"Since 2002, every relationship I've had has been with girls from Western countries. They don't care much about a man's money because they are from countries that are already well-developed. Besides, they know the most important thing is being a soul mate for each other."

Guo Jian, a musician from Shandong Province, with his Canadian wife Ember Swift. Photo: Courtesy of Ember Swift

Cultural differences

Wang Zijian, a 35-year-old man from Dandong, Liaoning Province, married his German wife, Magedalena, in March.

Although his first marriage to a South African woman, whom he met during his 20s when he was establishing his career as a professional kickboxer, ended in divorce, he wasn't turned off Western women. Wang has traveled the world over the past two decades pursuing his dream as a sportsman, even though he hasn't made big money. He prefers the simple life and hates pressure, which he fears he would experience from a Chinese wife.

"If I married a Chinese woman, she would definitely be mad at me," said Wang, adding that Magedalena supports his globe-trotting career. "We met at a bar one night when I was drinking. She just sat behind me and stared at me for the whole night, and that was the start of our relationship."

Cultural clashes inevitably occurred during the early days of the pair's courtship.

Wang lives up to the stereotype of guys from Northeast China being macho men. Similarly, Magedalena embodies German stereotypes as a "serious, calm woman who cares about details," said Wang.

"When a Chinese couple fights, the wife might sweet-talk her husband to make him less angry," said Wang.

"But Magedalena never does that. The only thing she does is calmly use different strategies to persuade me," said Wang.

Swift's mother-in-law sometimes takes care of her grandchildren. The pair gets along well, but friction arose one day after Guo's mother instructed Swift to wash the dishes after she left.

Although a small matter, the tone of the order left Swift feeling uncomfortable.

"If it was my mother, she would say it to both me and my husband," said Swift. "My mother-in-law seems to take for granted that women should do more housework than men."

Celebrity couples 

Chen Guangyao, a former deputy department director in the Ministry of the Civil Affairs, said in a 2005 report by the Beijing Morning Post that the ratio of Chinese men marrying foreign women was about one quarter among all transnational marriages. After 2000, the number of foreign women marrying Chinese men and moving to China increased gradually, Chen added.

Transnational marriages involving male Chinese celebrities have had mixed success. Hong Kong-born singer and actor Emil Wakin Chau, who has been a household name since 1985, is renowned for his marriage of nearly 30 years to American Constance Woods.

Speaking on popular TV program Super Talk Show in 2010, Chau said that his marriage had faced a lot of cultural hurdles, but added the couple had always been able to resolve them.

For example, his mother and wife often clash over the best way to look after his throat to protect his singing voice. Chau's mother resorts to traditional Chinese medicine remedies, while his wife favors Western alternatives, such as vitamin C drinks. To appease both women, Chau said he willfully accepts both treatments. 

But not all marriages between Chinese men and foreign women are blissful. Crazy English founder Li Yang and American ex-wife Kim Lee endured a bitter divorce last year marred by revelations of Li's domestic violence. In February 2013, a Beijing court approved their divorce and ordered Li to give more than 10 million yuan ($1.6 million) to Lee in cash and assets.

Looking for love 

The personal classifieds forum at theBeijinger.com, the website of a local expat magazine, is a popular platform for Chinese men seeking a Western girlfriend.

Jeff Chen, a 24-year-old Tianjin native who used to work in the finance industry and media, is among the wave of local men seeking to settle down with a foreign woman.

In his classified, Chen writes that he is looking for a woman from an English-speaking country or South Korea. "I want to have a Western girlfriend because our baby will be very beautiful and smart. The reason why I like Korean women is that they are beautiful and their accent is cute," said Chen, who hopes his ability to cook Chinese dishes will help seduce an expat soul mate.

As a devout Christian, one of the most important reasons why Chen is seeking a foreign girlfriend is that he wants a wife who shares his religious beliefs.

"Most Chinese aren't religious, which might pose a barrier [to dating] for some people from religious families in the West," said Sun Hao, a marriage and family counselor.

Sun added that religious Chinese men are "a lot easier" to be coupled with foreign women who share their spirituality.

There are matchmaking events in Beijing that aim to help Chinese men find a foreign partner.

Beijing International Speed Dating, an organization run by several expats, often holds singles parties, couples competitions and gay speed dating events for people from all over the world.

"Chinese men need to see past [cultural] differences to make foreign women feel natural and comfortable, which means behaving as natural as possible around them," advised Sun. "Any unnatural behavior or condescending actions can be detected by foreign women, who are usually very sensitive and likely to see through such ploys."