Wedding planning is not always a sweet thing. In China, where marriage is traditionally as much about a union of two families as a union of two individuals, it can be a pain.

My friend Kathie and her fiancé have found themselves locked in a cold war with their parents recently.

They have decided that, instead of having a lavish formal wedding ceremony, they will travel to a romantic location for their honeymoon, an idea that irritated both sets of parents.

Kathie and her fiancé, coming from two different provinces far away from the capital city, are working and living in Beijing.

They don't think weddings are romantic at all - all they mean are two big and elaborate ceremonies in their respective hometown, in which they have to endure a series of seemingly unending rituals and exhausting banquets. And that doesn't count the time and energy-consuming run-up and months of preparation.

However, persuading their parents is not easy.

The parents are willing to foot the bill for a banquet bash that is as visibly grand as possible. So they hesitate to give ground when their kids ask for simplicity.

"They are selfish. All they care about is their face." Kathie complained to me.

My friend was worked up, so I hesitated to be blunt with her - aren't she and her fiancé also being selfish? Aren't they neglecting the feelings of their parents?

To virtually all Chinese parents, a traditional wedding with a huge banquet at a hotel or restaurant is not only an announcement that their children have grown up, but also a way to show pride and dignity.

Chinese parents are often criticized for intervening too much in their children's love lives and marriages.

In modern times when there are so many shengnan and shengnü (men and women who have passed the average marriage age but are still single) "on the market," Chinese parents are so worried that they arrange kinds of blind dates for their kids to find a suitable mate.

They also set limits on their future son-in-law or daughter-in-law, excluding those whom they think aren't a match for their children in education, social status, appearance or annual income.

For too many times, Chinese parents are frequently blamed for not relaxing their grip on wedding planning, even though their children are the ones actually getting married.

But in my opinion, while Chinese parents may sometimes care too much about their children, they are not domineering or peremptory.

As the "four-two-one" family structure will be the dominant model in China for the foreseeable future, young couples will naturally be on the receiving end of a great deal of concern from their parents.

Generational conflicts will inevitably arise between traditionalist parents and modern young people, but these won't be irreconcilable. 

Dust-ups over wedding preparations are just one such example.

Finding a balance between an overly simplistic wedding and a convoluted traditional ceremony is not a mission impossible, as long as children and parents alike can make allowances for each other.

Jennifer Song, a Beijing-based white-collar worker