An opinion piece your newspaper published on September 30 titled "Spat reveals true stance of Singapore to Chinese public" brought up a good question about how Chinese living in the mainland should view those born, raised and living overseas.

I think the article makes a point on the inconsistencies between the mainland and their peers abroad. But it's not enough.

Many mainland Chinese have developed a lopsided understanding about their relationship with overseas Chinese. There is a tendency to believe that as long as mainland Chinese and overseas Chinese share the same roots, they should always support each other. The "motherland" can offer strong backing to overseas Chinese, who in turn must show loyalty and support for it. This message has been widely promoted in Chinese media that emphasize the massive donations by overseas Chinese entrepreneurs to China's military forces during the War of Resistance against Japanese Aggression (1931-45), and their influx of investment during the early stages of China's reform and opening-up. Overseas Chinese, as a group, have been portrayed as solid proponents of China's development.

This thought also derives from China's deep-rooted belief in nationalism, unity and collectivism. Those who disagree with these mainstream ideas and values are likely to be stigmatized as "betrayers" of the nation.

Therefore, when mainland Chinese find their overseas counterparts not answering the call of patriotism and nationalism, they become indignant and feel betrayed.

Many mainland Chinese cannot tell the major differences between the cultural and political elements of being a Chinese. They have unfortunately over-highlighted the shared cultural background while turned a blind eye to political aspects. Most overseas Chinese were either born, raised or are naturalized citizens in other countries.

That's why the "Chineseness" of the overseas Chinese will make way for their new identity, as they must become part of a new society, where education, media and social values are much less Chinese. Even people in places like Hong Kong and Taiwan, where the majority are culturally Chinese, due to political and historical reasons, find less common ground in many aspects with mainland Chinese.

Therefore, many mainland Chinese lack the perspective to interact with the rest of the world, too entrenched in their monotonous system to play down the importance of "Chineseness." Instead of cursing how "treacherous" and "ungrateful" Singaporeans are, mainland Chinese should reflect on their narrow-mindedness in defining with is "Chinese," and their unrealistic expectations for overseas Chinese.

Meanwhile, the idea that mainland Chinese confuse their relationship with overseas Chinese can teach all of us a lesson.

China has put too much emphasis on nationalism and patriotism, even to the extent that its people become emotional and paranoid over unfriendly comments. Pragmatism is what has driven China since its reform and opening-up, and it is essential to stay rational when facing challenges, even provocations, from the outside.

The country sank into madness for a decade, a result in part caused by misconceptions about the world and itself. These bitter experiences should continue to warn Chinese against going down that same road again.

Zhang Xuan is a freelance commentator based in Beijing.